I had a dream.. then reality bites.

okay, so this is so much for my first blog for New Year!

not much of a good start..

but even I, when I read it, in the end, it seems to me like a first challenge/learning for 2013.

so yeah, let's start this :)

I just got home from school.

so I was tired and all from the travel, plus the thinking of thy 'things to do' puts me in a short nap.

and so obviously, this will sound mushy and melodramatic as it is, but as the title goes..

I actually had a dream.

we all dream of something or someone,

some say it is because you are thinking of that certain someone or that certain situation before going or taking that nap, that's why you were able to dream about it or them.

I think, for me, it is a perhaps.

I'm not sure if I was actually thinking of a certain someone, or

I'm not sure if I am imagining myself, being in that situation.

Okay, too much interventions, I know, my bad... so here is how it goes.

I was able to create a great painting, and my competition were two of my friends (to be named eka and thea)

and yes, I won the title of 'Best Artist' (you know, that is actually a good part, right there)

and here comes a guy, I don't really know ( but he is indeed, good looking in my dream)

guy gave me the award, and this is the part where everything falls apart for me.

the guy was inexplicably sweet and was showing and making me feel that he actually cares for me.

and then such scenes like being hugged, being kissed which can be really defined sweet and gentle and not those like will make you feel awkward, with that dream, it was all natural and.. pure.

to think, it was just a dream, but it felt real.. at least for that moment.

then it all came to my senses.

i was awake and trying to get back in that world.

i was one of those who believe in the phase of "waiting-for-the-right-guy-at-the-right-time"

i was one of those who believe that the right time will come for me to feel and experience such, and I still do.

i have nothing against being in a relationship, i mean, it has become normal and neutral now more than ever.

i am also not one of those who's all giddy and excited to be in one.

but the thing is, in that dream, for once, I was able to feel really loved, take note, "REALLY" by a guy, for that matter. 

for once, I've been taken care of at that time.

for once, it was me who was valued and not being took for granted.

(yes, I have my experience but this wouldn't be an appropriate time to share it)

let's just say that all my life, so far, it was me who either plays the role of a bridge bet. two, as they call it, "lovers" or the one being hurt, feelings being played of and lastly, unheard and unknown feelings. (i know, it sounds unreal and epic, but please do believe me when I say this, because no one would want to share something as hurtful like this. yeah? )

and yes.. by a guy.

see, why I almost cried when I woke up?

i knooooow, it might look overreacting or intense melodramatic scene, but it's real and I just have to say it.

I came to wonder when will actually be that time when I can feel such for real?

or will it even ever happen to me?

insecurity and depression attacks.. but after writing this, i'm quite relieved.

so I guess, I'll just have to continue waiting.

who knows what's in store for me?

so yes, Tracy, just trust in HIM. 

sorry for this mushy blog! but if there is a reader, I therefore, thank you whole heartedly.

this isn't to scare you if you are single right now that you should panic and start looking for "the" guy!

just be inspired and continue to fall in love.. after all, at the end of the day, it's the greatest feeling there is :)

(c) photo from tumblr

P.S  may I admit that my feelings are unheard and unknows right now! so if you, by any chance, manage to read this, I hope you'll have the hint. k, this is intensley "kaartihan" :)) sorry! .. but true ;)

have to study!! thanks, again :)